But, I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions (Ok, that isn’t the surprising part). I just think they are cliche and generally speaking, we set them, go at them for a week or so and then for whatever reason, we give up. But I do like to set goals for myself and I do this periodically. And as I have gotten older, I’ve shifted to be more type-A personality. In the past because of my creative side, my lack of neatness and organization, and my ability to walk through life relatively stress-free, I always considered myself type-B. But a few of those things have changed as I’ve gotten older. I’m much more comfortable now with schedules and being more organized, partially because work sometimes demands it, but it also makes life look a little clearer to me. Because of this, I’ve become more interested in setting goals for myself and trying to add more structure to my life. Don’t get me wrong, I still love to go with the flow and not stress too much, but a little organization and structure doesn’t hurt.
That being said, I set several goals in the last year, some I met and exceeded, and others, I failed. However, being the first of the year, I really do want to approach 2017 as a new beginning to a new chapter. So this year, I have two large goals I would like to share with you. And I will be honest, I’ve struggled to write this most of the day. These two goals relate to areas that are pretty big personal struggles of mine, ones I’ve never really opened up with about anyone.
Goal #1: Read the Bible in a year. This may not seem all that crazy, but it’s something I’ve never done. And for me, it isn’t even about just saying I did it, and I read the Bible in a year. This morning, my prayer to God was that this year I would develop a fervor for the Word of God. I want to thirst for it, every single day. Working in a church and speaking to students, I sometimes believe people just think I’m all about the Bible all the time and that I read it consistently. At least I believe people think I should be like that. But I’m going to be honest (and this might surprise you), it’s been one of my biggest struggles since I started following Jesus ten years ago. I have been reading, and studying God’s word but not as consistently or as much as I would like. And making my own time for Jesus can be difficult. Many times I’ve fallen into the trap of believing I’m spending time with God because I study the scriptures and write messages frequently. But that’s not enough. And real talk, sometimes the Bible can seem boring or confusing. But I’ve seen the power in the words and I want to know more and more about that and I want to know more and more about the great, big God from whom those words flow. So I want to read the Bible cover to cover, in a year. I want to watch and read the beautiful story of humanity and redemption and salvation unfold before my eyes. And hopefully, I pray I thirst everyday to be filled up with the words in the Bible.
Goal #2: Lose a significant amount of weight. If you know me, you know I’m not a small guy. There is a reason my dad has called me “Big Red,” since I was probably nine years old. That most likely doesn’t come as a surprise to you reading this. What may surprise you though, is for about as long as I can remember I’ve struggled with my body image. I try to hide it sometimes and I rarely talk about it, but it’s on my mind all the time. I’m extremely self-conscious about my weight and my appearance. Ultimately I know what the God says about me. I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps 139:14). And I know my weight and my appearance, they don’t define me. It doesn’t make me any less or any more Logan. God didn’t make a mistake with me. I know that. But I did make some mistakes and made some poor choices. I can over-indulge. I can stress eat. I can become lazy and complacent when it comes to staying active. And honestly, I’m tired of it. It may sound funny, because so often society perpetuates this idea that only women struggle with their image and how they look, but that’s not the case. And guys, listen, I think it’s okay to admit that this may be a weakness for us. It doesn’t make me any less of a man. For me thought, it’s more of a matter of health. A few years back I had a cardiac scare and I believe much of it was due in part to my weight. I don’t want to go back to that place and I’m afraid I’m headed down that road. This may surprise you, but this morning I stepped on the scale and I was shocked at what I saw. Two hundred ninety seven. Yes, three pounds shy of 300. This isn’t about me looking “good” or getting washboard abs (I’m never going to be a small guy, I know that). This is about me getting control of something before it gets out of control. This is about investing in my future for a family I hope to have down the road. I want to be a father and a one day a grandfather. So this is me investing now, to make sure I do everything possible to have that time, if the Lord wills it.
So it’s time for a change in both of these areas of my life. That’s part of the reason I even wrote this. I needed to get to a place where I could bring this stuff out into the open. And it was terrifying to talk about these things. Actually shaking as I continue to type this. Two very personal areas of my life and very personal struggles are now public. But I also need help with these things. I cannot do it alone. I need help. Specifically, accountability and encouragement. I need people asking what I’m reading in the Bible, I need people asking how my weight loss journey is going. I need people pushing me to get better every single day in both of these areas of my life.
So there you go. That’s Logan, right now. Frustrated, but hopeful. Tired, but ready for a change. And I’m so thankful that I serve a God who loves me no matter what. Thanks for giving this a read. Hopefully it made sense, and I didn’t ramble too much. Sometimes I do that when I get nervous. And hey, if you can relate and struggle with this stuff and need someone to talk to about it, I’m right here, and always willing to talk! Here’s to 2017 and hopefully some amazing results both spiritually and physically.